Where do I begin? (x2)

They say you have four years to find yourself Packed into these halls with everyone else But you didn't even have the grace to listen You were finding out in the hardest way The consequence of every mistake you could make But you didn't have the notice to pay attention I get it, you grew up in a Christian school And I've seen it all before from beggars and fools But I never would've thought, who ever would've thought that of their mom You know it's funny I've always tried to hold myself to a higher standard And lately I feel like I'm just failing under pressure I want my childhood back, because my whole life has been spent beating your bar Everyone's so damn trashed at this place It's a Friday night You won't stop until the Saturday sunrise Down a shot, party girl, to all your worries and fears You were a poster child now you're the patron saint Of why I try live my life without making your mistakes But in your head there is no thought So take another shot, party girl It couldn't be as simple as growing up because you grew up too fast Or too slow as I realize now from my outside perspective You had too much freedom and too much time And yeah, I've been there now, and I'm still fine I just wish you had kept some of your inhibitions You brought me into this world against everyone's advice Only to show me how cold you are, like a fucking block of ice And now I'm left here wondering if we're both just stuck wasting our time Why even bother trying to get along because like that's ever worked You used my father despite always saying that the bastard had no worth I've gotten so many mixed signals, is there anything left here to save Everyone's so damn trashed at this place there's a sweet sixteen For party girl who's way too young for the party scene But like that ever stopped anyone, drink up or leave And with her morals at an all time low Party girl found her list of friends starting to grow So take another shot Don't give this a second thought, party girl Poor party girl, did you get more than you bargained for Pregnant at 16 now everyone thinks you're a whore Ruined your golden years of youth because you couldn't resist Giving up all to give growing up your all You fell into the biggest teenage pitfall And if you had the chance you'd probably make the same mistakes over again Oh party girl I just want you to know your decisions were selfish And maybe that's why we'll never have it all It's easy for you to say that you made a mistake but in the end You settled everything with yourself and left me to settle my own mind [So where do I begin I'll tell this story from the beginning to the end Where do I begin And when it's all over you'll know me as a friend] (x2)

You settled everything with yourself and left me to settle my own mind So gather around if you ever cared at all about my past and what it means to me This is my life story so far or at least the important parts And you and everybody will see That no matter what growing up is never easy And I'd love to help somebody else But truth be told I'm writing this to help myself Because I got so much extra weight and I'm getting real tired of this sediment ache I have the ghosts of my past settled down in my bones like sand into gears And I don't know much longer I can stand waking up with all my monsters in my bed So I'll write this all out and hope to get some rest Growing up with you felt like growing up alone You were never there, you never showed you cared You're everything I never want to be So don't credit yourself with who I am because you're who I'm not I'm still growing and learning about myself, recovering from my mistakes Won't let anyone own me, I'm pulling myself off of your puppet strings I'm still growing and learning about myself, recovering from my mistakes Won't let anyone own me, I'm pulling myself off of your puppet strings I didn't know who I could trust At six years old I was so young You told me I had to grow up I didn't make your mistakes and still I- I got so much extra weight and I'm getting so tired of this sediment ache I have the ghosts of my past settled down in my bones like sand into gears And I don't know much longer I can stand waking up With all my monsters in my bed So I'll write this all out and hope to get some rest

I grew up quiet, now I let my voice be heard I can't be intimidated ever again to never say a word About my past and how it all comes back to how life's not fair 16 at heart and falling apart as I turn 23 next year I tried and failed at finding love I tried and failed at giving up I work myself too hard I need to take a break From everyone and everything From life and death in this damn city From my past and from my present Or maybe all I need is someone to listen So I scream my heart out In hopes it drowns out My biggest enemy, I can't get over myself So I scream my heart out To wear myself out While I try to find where I'm supposed to be All I ever wanted growing up I found out it wasn't enough To please the ones I wanted to impress Now I'll get this off my chest Fuck you all, now I work for me Don't give a damn what you think I can't afford any misplaced effort One wrong leap and I fall to the pressure So I scream my heart out In hopes it drowns out My biggest enemy, I can't get over myself So I scream my heart out To wear myself out While I try to find where I'm supposed to be

Remember you're wasting time Recounting lies about your life You know you don't mean a thing you say This was never about falling in love or falling out Like they all say And now they all sing So please stop seeking attention And give a genuine expression because I can't relate To all your sad songs about a girl you didn't date Now that I've grabbed hold, I won't let go Until I bring you back home You think you know, you think that you know about rage? You think you know, you think that you know about pain Show me

(Well it's been four long months since I sat down to tell you all about how I felt About myself, and everyone else but I've been so overwhelmed) Well it's been four long months since I sat down to tell you all about how I felt About myself, and everyone else but I've been so overwhelmed With living life for me no matter what who thinks I've always tried to just be happy And even though I'm all alone I feel like I'm so close But I'm still letting go, I'm still letting go of the past They say it's just water under the bridge but the river lasts And even though sometimes I feel I'm out on the coast Somehow I still end up on my back But I will keep on swimming 'till the world is in my grasp With no looking back It's been 11 months I lost focus again See I've been counting all my sheep while losing sleep While somehow always sleeping in I gotta get it together Or risk losing all my friends Because as hard as I try I can't get out of my mind how much I'd rather just stay in So tell me, how do I get through this I've always heard to put more feeling in my music Well here it is So sorry that I have to yell to convey the things I've said aloud But maybe this will take me somewhere I haven't found And maybe I'll finally be able to stare my demons down

Here's another problem I haven't figured out how to solve You think that everyone cares about you but in that you're just dead wrong You taught me apathy instead of empathy and I swear that I'm not like you but you taught me everything I shouldn't have to be like you to tell the truth, but I'm sick and tired of always being in such a shitty fucking mood I wouldn't ever tell you not to be yourself But I've hoped and prayed for days on days that you were someone else And I've been writing all this out to let you know That you're the reason that I can't stand coming home I shouldn't have to be like you to tell the truth I've had enough time to learn it's like you get off on abuse But I know you're suffering too And here's why I can never talk about this You always make me out to be the hypocrite And tell me that I'm full of shit Well I've had enough; I'm over it So please, stop seeking attention You think that you know, what could you know about rage? And tell me what could you know, what could you know about pain? When I'm still holding grudges on a couple of kids who had me when they were 16 How could you possibly be angrier than me?